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merkwurdigkeit
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Name: Kiri
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 8/17/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: learning new things, reading stuff, talking to people, going to shows...etc...i am especially interested in my nephew...
Expertise: I eat peanut butter. and I can make a mean pork roast.
Occupation: Customer service/support
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  iris1986
Member Since:
4/10/2004
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| ooncha ooncha one two threecha push you in the mud and i'll tell teacha not been here in a minute i've been real cranky for a minute. no, more like twentyyy but lately, all this business, polytics busyness, so frustrating- from what i hear, at least. but you know what? i dont care! i do care, i love, but i'm gonna keep living and doing my best where i'm at. forget the haters! :) i can make magic come out my ears | | |
| xanga is awfully difficult to maneuver this late at night. and i probably should've gone to bed a while ago- i'm gonna be scared tonight.
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=358
is a site i found through this other guy's plan- which is surprising that it is funny, cause all my memories of this guy, he is obnoxious. i mean, it isn't just funny, it's poignant.
on campus here, there's a bunch of hullabaloo about this woman who got fired over some secret thing- the faculty wrote a letter to the school paper, calling foul (fowl?), saying this was clearly not good. from what i understand, she got in a tiff with a higher up, and something else happened, and then she got fired. and it wasnt that she was in the wrong, from what i understand she was defending students. so if my information is from trustworthy sources (which i think it is), something bad is going down. however, alot of students here feel the same way, so maybe it will turn out okay. but probably it wont even matter in a couple years, when the students are used to the new administrators, when the teddy bear man turns out to really be cuddly instead of menacing.
just took another personality test. this one was to see if i have any personality disorders. i apparently am highly anti-social, http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/antisocial.html, as well as moderately narcissistic, http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/narcissistic.html, and moderately obsessive compulsive, http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/ocd.html.
I think the only one i really agree with is the obsessive compulsive bit:
"are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion."
"overly focused on orderliness and perfection"
"their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity."
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| dunno what happened, but sometime while i was home i felt better.
i hate to say, but i think because i have a job for when this semester is over!!!
...at least, it seems pretty certain.
i had a dream last night that was really good.
apocalypse was taking place in the form of dinosaurs invading and
killing, screaming everywhere, i was trying to hide somewhere, in a
corner where a dinosaur couldnt reach. but i kept running around
too, and noticed that some people were above it all. not because
they were invulnerable, but because they had realized that even though
death was so close, there was nothing to do but keep living.
anna was there, working away at her computer. she was sitting
outside of her classroom, she had made her students stay inside the
classroom, and stay calm. across the hall from her was a
recording studio with a man inside making music. another dude was
talking on a telephone to people he loved.
after running around a lot i came back to anna and apologized for not being a better friend, and we hugged.
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| i was reading rilla of ingleside the past couple of days. it gave me bad dreams. their war was 4 years, 1914-18. How long has our war been going on for? and we act like nothing is happening. We've been at war since 2002. That is 6 years. True, there are no trenches in this war, there are not the same insane levels of casualties to our armed forces. all the same, the youth are being stirred- particularly the young boys, they will be 18 soon, they are enlisting, of their own free will. and what for? what is the ideal they are following?
videogames and excitement. they want something to happen, adventure, meaning. life isnt good enough for them, so they would rather die.
and we tolerate this. what else can we do? in that book i read, which i am embarrassed because it is a woman's book (i am realizing my self loathing of being a woman this month), they declare they fought to build a new world. WWI was supposed to herald a new age, an age without war. Now, we have crappy crappy wars, worse than ever before. you cannot build peace through war. when you kill, you are giving birth to death.
in the novel, a small child kills his kitten to bring a man back from the war. he offers his kitten to God for the life of someone. the characters worry that the child will be disappointed with the results of this bargain with God. i dont think anyone expected...WWII, or all the other wars that have happened since. we can only build peace through peace.
this sunday is U.N. declared International peace day.
Peace is much more difficult than conflict. But why do we want anything easy? Cheap gas, cheap food, comfort... no more! we can't have it, it isnt reasonable. Gas is not cheap. we tear it from the ground. just like food, though i guess food is more effortless than gas: vegetables grown on their own. it is a miracle from God.
My heart is stirred by world events, but all i want is a small life. I want to cook food and raise children, i want to make art. I want to just exist and share joy with anyone/everyone. Why do we try to gain power over others and inflict pain on them to make them do what we want...
In other news, and apologies if this is a long and disjointed post, i read this article about sarah palin:
http://egan.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/17/moo/?em
. I was comforted by the oodles of comments on the post, but disturbed by the possibility that she could somehow become vice president. I dont care that Obama has a dim background as well- he is the lesser of two evils. Well, at least it seems so right now. and can we forgive ourselves if we vote for Palin and McCain? At least Obama seems to be alright. McCain and Palin are blatantly not alright.
My only reaction to all this though, to the seeming impossibility of doing anything on a national/international level to bring peace, is to again want to shrink deeper and deeper into wherever I am, to be and be and only be. I won't battle you, I won't fight- it does no good. I'll only fight inside my heart the despair and fear that is growing. I'll fight it through hope in God, that he will save us in the last, and every day he will save us from being mean-spirited and small-minded, that he will save us from begrudging anything good, he will save us from our envious eyes, from our passion to violence.
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